How did your parents react upon "outting" yourself?

[El Driver]

I'm very grateful that my mom and her boyfriend were supportive of me "coming out". My mom doesn't care what anyone has for religious views or lack of as long as they don't go around trying to force them down other peoples throats.

When I told my dad over this past summer, I was actually a little nervous. I know that he believes in the Christian god and I wasn't too sure how he was going to take it. He said he didn't care at all, *phew*. The only person in my family who I guess isn't too supportive of my "atheistic" views is my sister, a Catholic.

Can't complain though!

[InYourFaceNewYorker]

They didn't give it a second thought. They're agnostic, and my brother and I were openly skeptical (my brother especially) from a very young age. My brother never believed, and I sort of waffled back and forth between "I think so," and "I doubt it," but was generally on the fence.

The funny thing is, when I told some friends I was an atheist, they said, "Oh, I thought you already were."

Julie

[nau]

I remember a very distinct conversation with my mother while driving somewhere in my teenage years. I lied straight to her face and said "of course I believe in some kind of god.." after telling her I didn't believe the bible or that jesus was the son of any god. She took that a little better but was still convinced I was going to hell and she would "pray for me".

I didn't have the courage to admit to her and myself that I was an atheist until after I was out of the house long enough to grow up. She has taken it okay, but still talks about praying for me and the like - no matter how much I tell her how insulting that is.

I wasn't able to tell my dad my beliefs before he passed away. He was raised catholic, but never went to church and never talked about religion with anyone in the family. I suspect he was at worst an agnostic - but I regret never being able to discuss his skepticism while he was around.

If you're young and still afraid to tell your parents, you really should discuss this stuff with them, even if you know they will be upset about it. I feel like I lost a lot of time sitting around trying to think my way into believing in a god - its a major relief to admit to them and yourself that you just can't force yourself to believe it.

[rachelsinatra]

I haven't completely yet and still trying to figure out if I need to. I have come out to my siblings and they are fine with it as they are all agnostic themselves, though hold on to some christian beliefs. My sister told my mom I was an atheist before I even openly admitted it because of some drunk conversation I had with her where I told her that I was "atheist half the time and agnostic the other half of the time". However, from things my mom has said to me it seems she still believes I am agnostic and believe in Jesus to at least some degree. Either that or she just says things hoping that it will influence me. We have managed to avoid talking about it directly.

Me and my dad don't talk about religion or anything involving it because the few times we have have (evolution, homosexuality and israel are things we got in major arguments about even when I considered myself a christian just because his views were so rigid and in my opinion void of logic) resulted in major arguments. We get along very well in every other way, so I avoid the subjects. He is an extremely intelligent person who I guess compartmentalizes because nothing else makes sense. I am pretty sure he does not even believe in evolution, but I haven't talked to him about it in probably 15 years when I first started taking an interest.

If either of them asks me direct questions I would love the opportunity to share what I think with them, but since I do not live with them and we are all adults, I don't see any reason to "come out" in a single direct discussion at this point. I have only in this last year become comfortable calling myself and atheist so I am sure it is just a matter of time before it comes up. Until then I'll just keep being myself and letting them know I love them very much (and it has nothing to do with God telling me to).

[OHSU]

My family are all super-fanatical Mormons.

My mom sobbed and said she felt worse than if I had died. Over the course of the next year my she got crazier and more beligerant until my wife and I had to cut off contact with her. I haven't talked to her or two of my brothers for about 4 years.

My dad stays in touch with me, but well over half of his communication consists of bearing his "testimony" about how I've committed all manner of grevious sins. It gets old.

[Aca]

my family can hardly be termed religious. at best they are some sort of traditional christians, no going to church or prayers involved in anyway. Their religius activity consist of hosting the priest once a year that comes to bless the house on the day of my family's patron saint.

that said, i have to admit that i have great admiration for those of you that had to deal with it and i really feel sorry that some have to go through great hardship and turmoil in the family. after reading some of the "coming out" stories here and elsewhere on internet, i can only consider myself very lucky

you all have my respect

[Acolyte_of_Truth]

Fortunately my family aren't really religious, so they don't much care what I do or don't believe. It rarely comes up, and although it seems they would be more comforable if I were a believer they never push it.

Curiously my dad, who has made numerous anti-religious statements in the past, doesn't quite get that I'm not a christian. He says that I was confirmed an so I am. I told him that I don't believe it's true, in fact quite the opposite, but he just doesn't get it.

Still, I am very appreciative that it hasn't caused me any problems, I wish it could be this easy for everyone else!

[Vidya]

My parents did not in care in any shape or form whatsoever. I've tried to educate them since then, and though my attempts have brought them to agnosticism, they really do not give a damn. They'd say they believe in the Warhammer deities if that meant I'd stop pestering them with explanations of the stars.

It's mind-boggling and hopelessly annoying, but they're too busy filling their time with pedestrian issues; like buying me shoes.

[Dudeistmonk]

My family are all super-fanatical Mormons.

My mom sobbed and said she felt worse than if I had died. Over the course of the next year my she got crazier and more beligerant until my wife and I had to cut off contact with her. I haven't talked to her or two of my brothers for about 4 years.

My dad stays in touch with me, but well over half of his communication consists of bearing his "testimony" about how I've committed all manner of grevious sins. It gets old.

Breaking free from Mormonism has to be one of the toughest, probably right up there next to Islam.

Must have taken serious cahones.

[TheLilacPilgrim]

My mum's a bit weird about religion. I was raised for a while by my really, really religious Roman Catholic grandparents while my mother was ill, and while she was ill, she lost faith, then when she got better she lost faith more (I have no idea how that's possible), then she suddenly took an interest in religion, then she told me outright that she was atheist, which was a relief because this was around the time that I'd stopped believing altogether, but now she's religious again. She doesn't seem to mind that I'm an atheist, but a typical conversation with her goes like this:

Me: ...So I was reading The Selfish Gene --
Mum: There you go attacking the Christians again!!
Me: ...

As for my grandparents, my grandfather is neutral about it, but since he enjoys a debate, and he's one of the more intelligent religious people I know, it's always fun to talk to him about it. I overheard my grandmother finding out and I wasn't sure whether to cry for humanity or laugh like crazy. I;d been in the next room reading and I overheard:

Mum: [something about her 'two atheists', my sister and I]
Gran: I am very ashamed of you and your daughters --
Mum: Well my girls have been brought up to think for themselves!
Gran: Thinking for themselves isn't helping!!



And that's that =p

[r.c]

Nothing changed .... My parents love me the same. They do the prayers on my behalf !!!! ( Yes it is possible in Hinduism). I could never convince them to stop praying for me.

[VictorTheSixth]

I every now and then get into an argument or two with my dad over the logic of being an atheist. My mom and I argue as well, but her reaction can be summed up by the words: "Meh".

[RobinHood]

didn't react too bad even though they are deep fundamentalists. My mom is the church going born again and my dad thinks that none of the churches are teaching how Paul told them to etc. They just said "our god isn't open for debate" and we don't really talk about it. Now it is almost like it didn't happen.

[rustyness]

That watched me be slapped on the bum and the doctor said "It's a boy"

My mum is an atheist, and my dad is an agnostic, so I grew up without religious indoctrination and was never forced to be religious; nevertheless, my parents never really discussed their convictions when I was young, so I was never pressured to be an atheist. Indeed, my sister is most likely a deist. I say most likely as I can never tell from any discussions, she's a fucking idiot.

[Elwood]

I'm not "out" to anyone but my wife yet, and even in her case it's been less than a week and a very trying one, as she is still very much a believer and we have raised our children to be Christians to date (with a healthy dose of science education, too). It will not go well with my family. I used to be a ministry student. My brother is a pastor, as was my great-grandfather. My brother and grandmother are concerned that I am going back to college to study science instead of ministry.

I'm in my mid 30's, so it's not as if anyone can make me believe or do or so anything I don't want to at this point, but my entire social support structure is built around church and Christians. My therapist says I need to find new friends, but it will take some time. I'm still going to church for the time being. It's important to my wife and kids and I like the music and the light show (it's a mega-church with mega-production, more akin to a Rock Concert than a religious service), and most of my friends are there, so I'll keep going for a couple more months. Come spring, I'll be so busy with college that I'll have an excuse not to be there. For the time being, it's a big enough internal struggle to realize I've spent so much of my life serving a being that isn't actually there. I'm not ready for the external struggle yet, but I will be.

[Macroinvertebrate]

I'm not "out" to anyone but my wife yet, and even in her case it's been less than a week and a very trying one, as she is still very much a believer and we have raised our children to be Christians to date (with a healthy dose of science education, too). It will not go well with my family. I used to be a ministry student. My brother is a pastor, as was my great-grandfather. My brother and grandmother are concerned that I am going back to college to study science instead of ministry.

I'm in my mid 30's, so it's not as if anyone can make me believe or do or so anything I don't want to at this point, but my entire social support structure is built around church and Christians. My therapist says I need to find new friends, but it will take some time. I'm still going to church for the time being. It's important to my wife and kids and I like the music and the light show (it's a mega-church with mega-production, more akin to a Rock Concert than a religious service), and most of my friends are there, so I'll keep going for a couple more months. Come spring, I'll be so busy with college that I'll have an excuse not to be there. For the time being, it's a big enough internal struggle to realize I've spent so much of my life serving a being that isn't actually there. I'm not ready for the external struggle yet, but I will be.

Wow. Tough situation, but you've got to stick to your guns no matter what. You shouldn't need an excuse to justify your beliefs. Welcome to the forums, btw. I think you'll find a lot of support here.

[Tim Danaher]

Has no-one posted this little gem yet?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8Aq00yJSxo

(Can someone tell me how the YouTube tag is formatted? On other boards I'd just post the 'P8Aq00yJSxo' between the tags-- not here, though.)

[InYourFaceNewYorker]

Has no-one posted this little gem yet?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8Aq00yJSxo

(Can someone tell me how the YouTube tag is formatted? On other boards I'd just post the 'P8Aq00yJSxo' between the tags-- not here, though.)

I wonder if that video was staged.

[lordshipmayhem]

I never did do to the fact that my Father was deceased & my Mother was a "Vegetable" (advanced Alsheimers) in a Nursing home and couldn't even comprehend who I was.

Exactly the opposite here. Mom went first of atypical* Alzheimer's, and Dad followed a couple of years after with skin cancer.

______
*Atypical in that it was terrifyingly fast. She went from fully-functional to deceased in about a year, usually it's far longer than that. Her father went almost a decade from the early sixties to about 1974, and made the 1960's quite surreal.

[Godless Dave]

My parents really couldn't care less. My dad used to describe himself as agnostic but I suspect he leans toward atheism. My mom believes in a vague pantheist or deist type god but is really disgusted by religious fundamentalism.

[OHSU]

I'm not "out" to anyone but my wife yet, and even in her case it's been less than a week and a very trying one, as she is still very much a believer and we have raised our children to be Christians to date (with a healthy dose of science education, too). It will not go well with my family. I used to be a ministry student. My brother is a pastor, as was my great-grandfather. My brother and grandmother are concerned that I am going back to college to study science instead of ministry.

I'm in my mid 30's, so it's not as if anyone can make me believe or do or so anything I don't want to at this point, but my entire social support structure is built around church and Christians. My therapist says I need to find new friends, but it will take some time. I'm still going to church for the time being. It's important to my wife and kids and I like the music and the light show (it's a mega-church with mega-production, more akin to a Rock Concert than a religious service), and most of my friends are there, so I'll keep going for a couple more months. Come spring, I'll be so busy with college that I'll have an excuse not to be there. For the time being, it's a big enough internal struggle to realize I've spent so much of my life serving a being that isn't actually there. I'm not ready for the external struggle yet, but I will be.

You are in a very tough situation, and I feel your pain. I was in a similar situation with my siblings and parents, but when I discussed my lack of belief with my wife, she was very relieved because she felt the same way and just didn't know how to tell me. So, we came to the same conclusion at the same time. This made things much easier on both of us, because in spite of our conflicts with extended family, we had each other's support.

I really hope you are able to sort this out with your wife and kids.

[rachelsinatra]

Wow, I really feel for you. Certainly going back to school should be a help in making new friends and as you said, be busy enough to have an excuse to stop attending church. I was part of the Vineyard, and everything from our realtor, doctor, absolutely every part of our lives was tied to the church. I have so often wondered if I had done one thing differently I could have ended up in the exact same situation (because I ended up marrying someone outside of my church we ended up going elsewhere and then moving, both things which broke me away from my life-long friendships and community which was just the first of many steps away from my roots. I now see that as a major benefit). I really wish you all the best, and hope you find some encouragement and good conversation here.

I'm not "out" to anyone but my wife yet, and even in her case it's been less than a week and a very trying one, as she is still very much a believer and we have raised our children to be Christians to date (with a healthy dose of science education, too). It will not go well with my family. I used to be a ministry student. My brother is a pastor, as was my great-grandfather. My brother and grandmother are concerned that I am going back to college to study science instead of ministry.

I'm in my mid 30's, so it's not as if anyone can make me believe or do or so anything I don't want to at this point, but my entire social support structure is built around church and Christians. My therapist says I need to find new friends, but it will take some time. I'm still going to church for the time being. It's important to my wife and kids and I like the music and the light show (it's a mega-church with mega-production, more akin to a Rock Concert than a religious service), and most of my friends are there, so I'll keep going for a couple more months. Come spring, I'll be so busy with college that I'll have an excuse not to be there. For the time being, it's a big enough internal struggle to realize I've spent so much of my life serving a being that isn't actually there. I'm not ready for the external struggle yet, but I will be.

[AcesHigh]

I haven't told my mother yet (she's a practicant Catholic), but I told an aunt of mine who's a lot into new age woo and spiritism thinking she would be more understanding but now she's somewhat cold with me in spite of me being her favorite niece since I was born.

spiritismo and belief in new age bullshit is more of a problem in Brazil than catholicism!

I am right now having a big fight in another forum over the decision of the Rio Grande do Sul state justice to accept a psychographed letter (written by someone "under the influence of a spirit") by a medium, in which the "killed" person tells the jury that the accused was not guilty.

REGRETABLE! What a shame to my state and country!

[RaspK]

My mother is still a little anxious over the whole idea; she cringes at the thought that I might end up in Hell, and it happens to be interesting to consider her position, but the whole affair is too much for her. She does think that I'm being serious, but wants to believe I'll find my faith again.

Having been an altar boy for years in the past and having acted with great interest in religion, I guess it's natural.

My father, of course, thinks that I am not being serious, and has even made such comments as: "Come on now, all that talk about being an atheist; get over yourself — be serious!" and things like that.

[Cephus]

I didn't really ever "out" myself per se, my parents and I had a discussion when I announced that my then-fiancee and I were not going to have a religious wedding. They wanted the whole "walk down the aisle" thing in a big church, we didn't. In the middle of said discussion, it exploded into a wholesale religious slaughter, mostly started by my mother, where I systematically disassembled her entire religious belief system and left it in a shambles at her feet. It wasn't long thereafter that I got married and moved away, but from what I understand, from that time she's never attended a Sunday service. The only times she's been in a church that I'm aware of was for funerals and her insistence on religious ceremony in general has pretty much entirely vanished. My father, who was already a "social Christian" wasn't bothered by it at all, in fact I think he found it funny watching my mother get her theological ass handed to her. I think she just needed "permission" to let go of stupid, superstitious beliefs and she's much happier today because of it.