A New Twist on the Aquatic Ape Theory
High in the mountain fastness of Uganda, so high that the tropics don't feel all that hot, one finds beautiful lakes of full of mineralized water that seem neither too cold nor too hot, and are choked with colorful fish. Surrounding the lakes are deep forests, full of heavy fruits, wild nuts and berries. The forests are a feast for the eye, with gigantic old-growth trees. It rains almost every day.
On the shores of the lakes lives a strange ape, one unlike every other type of ape one might find. It appears to be adapted for fishing. It can swim, unlike all other apes - even in deep water. It has a diving reflex, which by reducing the heart rate and changing the circulation makes it easier for the ape to hold its breath and conserve its heat. Its fingers are slightly webbed, an adaptation for more efficient swimming. It's body has subcutaneous fat to conserve heat. Unlike all other apes, it has a streamlined shape, improving its swimming efficiency. As part of the streamlining, it has little hair, mostly on the head where it acts as a sunscreen. The skin is tinted almost black, partly to avoid being damaged by ultraviolet radiation, but also to better camouflage the ape in the muddy water.
Its swimming talent is for transportation only, as like the crocodiles also found in these parts, it's an ambush predator. To fish, this ape stands quietly on two legs for many hours, totally immersed except for its head. This is not at all a difficult feat because it is adapted to standing on two legs and most of its weight is buoyed by the water. Fish are drawn by its smells; it is as though the ape's body serves as the bait. Unlike all other apes, it doesn't communicate with gestures. It can't, as that would scare away the fish. Instead, it uses its voice, much as dolphins do. When something wonders close enough, the ape grabs it with lightning-fast movements of its hands, then bites and twists the head to kill the catch.
It prefers not to eat in the water. Having caught its prey, it swims to shore. Then something peculiar happens. Surrounded by other members of the band giving it great approval, it weeps in happiness, which has a dual purpose; the salty tears get rid of just enough of the dissolved minerals in the water that this ape needs no fresher water to drink. Indeed, it prefers the taste of mineralized water to that of rainwater or fresh water from running streams.
In addition to fishing, this ape can also forage in the water. Its hands have an excellent sense of touch, much like swimming moles, and it can use this to find the hiding places of the many mollusks and shrimp that live on the bottom. It also forages in the bushes and trees near the lakes for fruits and nuts. And just as it will wait in ambush for fish, it will also wait in ambush for small mammals, sitting quietly until something suitable draws near. It can't chase the prey, for its legs are more adapted to standing or walking. Instead it hits or throws something at its prey, very much like chimpanzees.
It is good enough at doing this that it has little to fear from the crocodiles. Living in groups, it usually spots the reptiles with good vision long before they get close enough to attack - but they prefer not to. It is as easy for this ape to kill crocodiles with a well-aimed stave or heavy rock as it is for a porpoise to kill a shark with a good punch to the gut. Their aquatic habits and big groups also make them difficult prey for the big cats living in the woods. Here, the crocodiles actually offer protection, as the cats are at a disadvantage in the water. This ape actually fears hippos and elephants much more, another reason why it prefers the high lakes.
Its sexual habits are a little different than other apes, influenced by its strange aquatic existence. Both sexes appear to prefer slender streamlined shaped mates. Mating is done belly to belly rather than from behind, to the point that males are attracted by what look like a pair of artificial buttocks on the fronts of the females. Females in turn are attracted by penises that are noticeably larger than those of any other ape - and which also possess a streamlined shape. To show off their reflexes and coordination, both males and females will engage in elaborate dancing.
The young are born almost helpless, except for an ability to swim. Like other apes, they have the ability to grasp, but have weaker arms and hands that can only hold the young near the mother if she is immersed in water. Her "artificial buttocks" double as suckling teats that conveniently float. While she is suckling, she can't wade as deeply as the males can. Partly as a result, females tend to be shorter than males, although both sexes are taller than most other apes.
Also unlike all other apes except the bonobos, and very much like porpoises, sexual intercourse has little to do with estrous. Instead it appears to be used for social interactions. Unlike porpoises, intercourse appears to reinforce semi-permanent pair-bonds, that sometime last years.
These apes live in bands of twenty or thirty that protect a given territory. Quite often, most of the members of the bands are related to each other.
I'm sure you recognize Elaine Morgan's aquatic ape theory in the above. I've just explained why we find all of those hominid fossils in the Rift Lake regions of Africa, rather than on some sea shore. By the way, people in Africa still catch fish in the manner I describe. I just wish the rift valleys were still as pristine as I've described them.
George Wolf
On the shores of the lakes lives a strange ape, one unlike every other type of ape one might find. It appears to be adapted for fishing. It can swim, unlike all other apes - even in deep water. It has a diving reflex, which by reducing the heart rate and changing the circulation makes it easier for the ape to hold its breath and conserve its heat. Its fingers are slightly webbed, an adaptation for more efficient swimming. It's body has subcutaneous fat to conserve heat. Unlike all other apes, it has a streamlined shape, improving its swimming efficiency. As part of the streamlining, it has little hair, mostly on the head where it acts as a sunscreen. The skin is tinted almost black, partly to avoid being damaged by ultraviolet radiation, but also to better camouflage the ape in the muddy water.
Its swimming talent is for transportation only, as like the crocodiles also found in these parts, it's an ambush predator. To fish, this ape stands quietly on two legs for many hours, totally immersed except for its head. This is not at all a difficult feat because it is adapted to standing on two legs and most of its weight is buoyed by the water. Fish are drawn by its smells; it is as though the ape's body serves as the bait. Unlike all other apes, it doesn't communicate with gestures. It can't, as that would scare away the fish. Instead, it uses its voice, much as dolphins do. When something wonders close enough, the ape grabs it with lightning-fast movements of its hands, then bites and twists the head to kill the catch.
It prefers not to eat in the water. Having caught its prey, it swims to shore. Then something peculiar happens. Surrounded by other members of the band giving it great approval, it weeps in happiness, which has a dual purpose; the salty tears get rid of just enough of the dissolved minerals in the water that this ape needs no fresher water to drink. Indeed, it prefers the taste of mineralized water to that of rainwater or fresh water from running streams.
In addition to fishing, this ape can also forage in the water. Its hands have an excellent sense of touch, much like swimming moles, and it can use this to find the hiding places of the many mollusks and shrimp that live on the bottom. It also forages in the bushes and trees near the lakes for fruits and nuts. And just as it will wait in ambush for fish, it will also wait in ambush for small mammals, sitting quietly until something suitable draws near. It can't chase the prey, for its legs are more adapted to standing or walking. Instead it hits or throws something at its prey, very much like chimpanzees.
It is good enough at doing this that it has little to fear from the crocodiles. Living in groups, it usually spots the reptiles with good vision long before they get close enough to attack - but they prefer not to. It is as easy for this ape to kill crocodiles with a well-aimed stave or heavy rock as it is for a porpoise to kill a shark with a good punch to the gut. Their aquatic habits and big groups also make them difficult prey for the big cats living in the woods. Here, the crocodiles actually offer protection, as the cats are at a disadvantage in the water. This ape actually fears hippos and elephants much more, another reason why it prefers the high lakes.
Its sexual habits are a little different than other apes, influenced by its strange aquatic existence. Both sexes appear to prefer slender streamlined shaped mates. Mating is done belly to belly rather than from behind, to the point that males are attracted by what look like a pair of artificial buttocks on the fronts of the females. Females in turn are attracted by penises that are noticeably larger than those of any other ape - and which also possess a streamlined shape. To show off their reflexes and coordination, both males and females will engage in elaborate dancing.
The young are born almost helpless, except for an ability to swim. Like other apes, they have the ability to grasp, but have weaker arms and hands that can only hold the young near the mother if she is immersed in water. Her "artificial buttocks" double as suckling teats that conveniently float. While she is suckling, she can't wade as deeply as the males can. Partly as a result, females tend to be shorter than males, although both sexes are taller than most other apes.
Also unlike all other apes except the bonobos, and very much like porpoises, sexual intercourse has little to do with estrous. Instead it appears to be used for social interactions. Unlike porpoises, intercourse appears to reinforce semi-permanent pair-bonds, that sometime last years.
These apes live in bands of twenty or thirty that protect a given territory. Quite often, most of the members of the bands are related to each other.
I'm sure you recognize Elaine Morgan's aquatic ape theory in the above. I've just explained why we find all of those hominid fossils in the Rift Lake regions of Africa, rather than on some sea shore. By the way, people in Africa still catch fish in the manner I describe. I just wish the rift valleys were still as pristine as I've described them.
George Wolf